i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
