Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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