No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
