Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
