JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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