My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
