so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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