the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
