Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
