i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
