Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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