My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
