dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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