he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
