just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize