Well douche your snatch and let's go!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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