Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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