I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
tell me about the eggs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
