sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
