I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
