The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
