just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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