You smell like stripper and shame
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
