I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
