how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I am available for nakedness
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
