Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were destined to go to rehab together
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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