Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
