I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
