Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
