If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
