people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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