She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sorry about my life...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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