For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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