I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize