Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
