so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well you can't waste a boner
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
