By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
