Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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