I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
