I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Sober January is a disaster.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
