I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
