Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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