We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
