I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
