Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
