I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
whose parrot is this?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
