I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
