I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
