i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
