I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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