she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize