i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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