She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
