something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize