He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
