after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
