I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
