Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
