Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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