I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize