Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
