Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
