ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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