You really coming over, don't trick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
