i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
