last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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