Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
