If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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