Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
