So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
