a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
