Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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