you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's blow job season.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
