I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
