it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it was like eating out sand paper
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
