perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
