i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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