I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
