Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
