Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
