Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
