He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
