handjob tips. give me some.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
