His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
