You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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