LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
