I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
