that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
