It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No more Irish car bombs ever.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
