Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
