only you would photoshop your dick
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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