Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
