i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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