Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
