I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
