Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
