i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
