You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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