I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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