i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Mom said you looked used
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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