he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
