I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
