i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
