If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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