I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
