I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
