And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
