remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if only i could text you this smell
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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