I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
